Next step forward..^_^

Assalamualaikum wbt..

uit uit..

hyep hyep..

n sewaktu dgnnye..

ari ni 9 July 2013

esk 10 July 2013

means 1 Ramadan..

wah, dah bulan Ramadan dah..

kejap jer..pejam celik pejam celik, nk masuk kali ke 3 ak smbut Ramadan kat cni..huhu

if org branak tu, ank dia dah leh jalan, berckap dah..(suka kaitkn peredaran msa dgn kelahiran ank..sbbnye baru nmpk jelas terang nyata yg masa tu dah lamaaaa berlalu..huhu)

well, dsbbkan Ramadan membuka tirai nye, ak pon telah buat keptusan by hook or by crook,I need to meet parent Mr Tedy b4 Ramadan.. maka terjadilah episod di mana ak telah mengumpul keberanian yg bukn sedikit utk berjumpa dgn parent dia..

d story now begins...

starting with planning dgn mak dia..at first his parent plans to meet me here, at KL..which means the mum n father will come to c only me..not without him..sbbnye diorg nk kenal ak, bukannye ank diorg..so, ak dgn penuh keberanian, OK, y not..dgn cerita yg si dia n adiknye taburkan kat ak tentang mak dia lg(of koz the story was not side on me)..what do u expect??butterfly in d stomach usah ckap la kan..but seriously, bile pk2 logik smpai bile kn??smpai bile xnk kenal..ello, awk nk kat ank dia, nk kawin dgn ank dia, sooner or later u'll meet them, whole family, gonna live with them, so lets move on!!itu lah antra kata pembina semangat y kian luruh hari demi hari..haha..(but seyesly, i was really happy bcoz akhirnye si dia berjaya bgtau parent dia about me..means dia start dah pk nk proceed to d next stage..tp sempat jugak la dia kutuk ak depan mak dia kn..hoho..)

then, after planning n planning using him as org tengah, last2 planning parent dia nk jupe ak kat KL xjd..sbbnye diorg nk meet on Friday..of koz la no kn, sbbnye mcm2 benda leh berlaku bila ari jumaat..first, Prof mmg free on Friday, 2nd, Friday ak terikat lg ngn waktu ofis hour..so, mcm xsedap ati pon ade..xnk la bile jupe mak dia tu, fikiran xtenang..so, I cant..then xjd la..so, xpe la..lam ati ak, ade rezeki jumpe la kami..mybe if jupe time ni, mak dia ade yng xberkenan dgn ak ke, mungkin..ade hikmahnye kn..=)

one month later..k weeks after, lupe dah..ak kata la kat alqaf, xleh jd ni..dah nk pose..nk raye lak tu..so, smpai bile nk bertgguh..feels like something not done yet..so, ak kumpul keberanian lg skali ckap la kat si dia yang i wanna meet his parent..n by myself..n kat melaka..at his hometown..senang crita..agpon mlake n Kl xde la jauh mane pon..nek bas 2 hours dah smpai dah..so, alkisahnye decide la cam tu..in two weeks time i'll meet his parent at Melaka..

google punyer google cam ne petua2 nk memikat or adab2 berjumpa dgn bakal mertua buat kali pertama>>ello, i do some literature k..ingt sibuk writing thesis n manuscript ja ka..sambil2 tu la..haha..well, ilmu kena ade beb, baru la nmpak kematangan n berkayakinan..so, dipendekkan cerita, ak nk penampilan ak nmpk xketerlaluan, sederhana(sbbnye first impression is d most important thing..agpon ak pn xde la keterlaluan lam fesyen ni..mybe xreti berfesyen senang citer.hehe)..pastu, ats bantuan k.suhana (colleague ak) berjaya la ak mencari blouse labuh tuk dipadankn ngn sluar slack..n tudung pkai tudung y sedia ade..jimat pon jimat..

berckap on phone at d first time make me to practice dulu dgn dedey..thanks to her that support me..hehe.. ramai senarnye kwan2 ak yg bg semangat..if not, mesti ak less courage dah nk berdepan ngn parent dia..kol mak dia for d first time to make a plan for a tomorrow meeting, ni disebabkan oleh si dia xleh join..tp mmg ak xharap pon dia akn join..sbbnye ak nk jumpa mak dia, bukan dia..n lg pon time ni dia ade aktiviti ngn kawan2 dia kat Kl..promise is a promise..understood..=)

bersua muka ngn mak dia buat kali pertamanye, berdebar2 perasaan..serba xkena..tp bile mak dia bg senyuman mesra, ak bertambah lega..tp seyesly ak byk diam gak r..mmg one of my weakness, ak xmcm kak ak yg mmg peramah ngn org tua..ak xreti nk berckap ngn org tua..n mak dia lak jenis observer, mmg agk kaku r ckit lam kete tu..oh ya, ktrg p mkn2, mak dia amik ak from MC tu bawak p Ayer Keroh..then, time ngah mkn2 tu la baru ktrg berborak mesra ckit..prasaan ak pon makin ok n leh la ajk mak dia berbual2..sal family ak, sal diri ak, sal si dia..n sal family dia..plus isu2 semasa ckit..seyesly next time i'll improve more..maafkan sy makcik sbb byk senyap gak..huhu..oh ya, btw, ayh dia xde..so ak jupe mak dia n adik bongsu dia ja..ayh dia ade urusan kat Kl..kitrg mkn n borak lam sejam lebih2 cam tu, pastu ak pon p tdo bermlm umh kwan ak..kat mlaka gak..

ini la etika pemakaian ak p jupe mak dia..ak suka sbb nmpak sopan n x tabarruj..^_^

Ok dah..tamat sudah episod crita ak berjumpa bakal mertua..pengajaran nye adalah:-

1. be urself..its d best thing to do..jgnla hipokrit..then, baru lah nmpak keikhlasan kamu..

2. tolonglah hanis, belajar cara berckap dgn org tua supaya xkekok sgt..huhu

3. dont judge a person from another person's story..sume y diceritakan tu xsume betul..hehe

4. just berserah kat Illahi..u've done ur best..n tawakkal jer la..

Then, markah ak??means komen dr pihak mak si dia adalah:-

1. dia bg greenlight!!yeay!!alhamdulillah..^_^

2. ak seorang yg tegas, ak akn usahakan smpai ak dpt benda tu if ak nk.

3. prangai ak sama dgn si dia dr segi tu (hal ini merunsingkan mak dia sbbnye takut if salah sorang drp ktrg meletopppp..huhu)- tp org kata klu takut dilambung ombak jgn berumah di tepi pntai..

4. leh proceed next step..hihi..alhamdulillah..

so, segala yang berlaku ni, terima kasih buat:-

1. We a.k.a ayh - bg kebenaran tuk ak jupe parent si dia. Adk syg We.

2. Si dia - give his full trust to me, n yakin dgn ak, n jual cter molek2 sal ak kat mak dia (even ad gak kutuk ak..hehe)..termasuklah adik si dia skali yg support kakak y xmatang nih..hehe

3. Parent si dia - sudi jumpa ak n berkenalan dgn ak n approve ak..^_^

4. Kawan2 - yang support, bg kata semangat, bg facilities, temankan shopping, temankan rehearsal n percaya dgn ak. luv u gurls..

ok, done for this diary like entry..errrmm..till next story..=)

no, i'm not okay..=(

p/s: post has little bit harsh word => need to motivate myself

hard to say..
hard to do..
so many things..
but must going through..

second week..
the first week..

learn how to deal wit people..
learn how to manage ur stress..
know ur position (awk org bwahan jeee k..heh)

but it just..
i know i can manage all dat..
know i can handle it..
jus dont b so spoiled kid la (hey u, manje giler r ko ni..pe laaa)..

blaja la dr kesilapan wei!!!..
jgn dok harap org len j nk ajr..
learn ur mistake..
be more proactive (nak ak record k kata2 Prof n rewind2 back to u smpai ko lena??)

u r not a a child k, u r mature enough to handle these things..
so, prove it..prove u can do this!!
their words is just a breeze that blow ur hair..
dont take it too much k..
b strong heart..noe u can..of coz u will..
fighting nis!!!

d answers is here..ho3

Assalamualaikum n greetings everyone..I just realize dat I'll post 2 entry every month..he3..punyerla pemalas kn..tp better than en. Tedy yg lngsung xpost pa pe since last 3,4 months ago..ha3..now, i had just having dinner (berbuka pose sempena hari Assyura) n waiting to go to bath n pray for ISyak..so, to kill some time, i'll just post some of my "diary" like entry k..(xtually d answer of my previous entry "i win or he win?")

so now, the answer is i did not win dat deal. dats it..ok, full stop..dont wanna to story anymore..hu3

(seriously frustrating)..The deal is dat if i or he win, we can request any of us to full fill any hope or wishes that we want.. so, the point is now that he win, at first I was very curious about his wish, or hope..cant predict wat he wan as usually he was very unpredictable (sometimes its trouble me but sometimes he's surprised me..he3). then, at last he told me to promise him 4 things..wanna know??well??ok la..

the first thing is:-

he want me to finish up my master deg.

-if he didn't ask me to finish dis master, i'll already promise to myself (end wat i've started by hook or by crook), so no hal la kn??he3

second thing is:-

he want me to promise that as how i'll be very busy like hell, i'll never forget about my family, which means i'll still have time to spend with my family.

- when he told me this thing, i was thinking does he got any wish to think of himself..y all d wishes he only think of me??does he want anything from me??n my tears start rolling down my cheek(wah, terharu dowh!!hu2..)

- but the point is, insyaAllah i'll never forgot my family, they always b number ONE in my heart. =) amin..

third thing is:-

he want me to never ever forget where am i belongs from even if my status was the highest one in the country or world..which means dat i'll never forget who i am. dalam bhsa ibunda nye, aku xkan lupa diri.

- he still think of me when he want this things..hu3..n still insyaAllah, i'll remember who i am now n who i am later even if i had become a very successful person..(budu tetap jd kegemaran..keh3, n ubi kayu rebus still become my fav).

the last one is which is the number fourth:-

he want me to tell him if i ever fall in love with someone else other than him..means that if i wanna break up wit him (which i pray dat will never happen but who r we to predict the future right?)..

- dat's the only thing that he wan me to promise about himself..(still wonder, is he not regret even if he can ask anything from me..ho3)

then, i make d promise to him..insyaAllah selagi masih ade iman di dada (even snipis kulit bwang), n kewarasan akal fikiran yg Allah bg, ak akn berusaha untuk tidak melanggar janji2 tu..doakan..

the last thing is, i did not regret dat i did not win d deal as ade hikmahnye..still got many times to make deals n i'll make sure dat i'll improve d winning (ade k word tu??keh3)

p/s: wonder if anyone would annoy if they read my entry??but it is my opinion or my writing, n i does not mind xtually if dis annoying u as u can leave this page anytime right??

big day in my life..

27th of October 2011.. Graduation day..holding d title of Alumni..d day dat i was fully completed my degree..Ma, adik da buktikan yg adik mampu masuk U n berjaya dpatkn segulung ijazah, adik da berjaya dapatkn ape yang Ma harapkn..if u r still here, this degree holder is just special for u..must u be crying to see me on d stage kn??i jus know it..but now, sitting at on d 'tikar sejadah', pray for ur safety 'there' talk to Allah swt, reciting Al-quran for ur 'bekalan amalan'.. hanya itu yg mampu Adik lakukan skrg..

cam ne nk cerita eh??too much story to be told but now dont know how to start wit..erm..mula2 kite cter psal absentees of my konvokesyen k..absentees nye adalah:-

• en. wan ahmad (we)
• pn. zainaba (mama)
• wan nor aliza (kak)
• en. hanafi (ayh ngah)
• en. anuar (paksu)
• pn. norasyikin (maksu)

nama2 di ats adalah org yg ak jemput utk dtg k mjlis ak..even mmg ak berharap pon diorg akn mai...reasonnye adalah:-

• we, mama n kak sbb sibuk ngan persiapan kak nk kawin..lgpon ak tau agk susah nk mai dr klntn..sape nk amik, nk overnite kat ne kn??so, ak mmg xnk nyusahkn diorg..diorg dtg, ak epi n syukur n if x mai pon ak xde la kisah mane pon sbb ak da phm..lgpon, graduation day is not something yg family ak pk "wajib kena attend" sbb time kak long ak n abg ak konvo dlu2 pon parent ak xp..so kirenye, konvo j pon, des nothing much la..so, xkesah pon..=)
• ayh ngah ak xdpt mai sbb dia kata dia ade hal ari khamis tu, n ak pon xnk disturb dia..so, its ok..=)
• paksu n maksu lak ak sj je ajk..mmg xde harap pon diorg nk mai sbb depa dok klntan gak..jd confirm2 r susah nk mai kn..so, no hal la xmai pon..=)

so, konklusionnye, yg mai hanye la..

muhammad alqaf bin azmi (en. Tedy)..tu pon, mybe sbb dia kesian kot kat ak sbb xde org pon dtg konvo ak..so, kirenye dia pengganti family ak..ak mmg xde la berharap pon dia mai (dlm hati, perghh ari2 berharap dia dpt dtg, tp sbb xmo berharap lebih, kang kecewa, so xde la tunjuk sgt suh dia mai..up to him)..tp klu family ak mai n dia pon mai, ak la org plg bahagia..leh la bg dia jupe terus parent ak..huahaha..cantekk x idea ak??tp harapan tggal harapan j la yer..xpe la..mybe ade hikmah..ho3

second time ak konvo..tp yg first konvo dlu xrasmi r..MRSM punye konvo, time tu kak ak j yg mai tgk..time tu pon ak xberharap sesapa mai tgk sbb ak phm..so, kirenye dis is d first time konvo scra rasmi nye..proses pengambilan jubah adlah satu proses yg amat memenatkn n men'stress'kan ak..klu bleh lpas2 ni time ak konvo lg(insyaAllah), ak xnk da beratur amik jubah..rela ak upah org amikkn jubah utk ak..seriously, thousands people beratur amik jubah pd hari yg sama..can u imagine d non-stop queue dat u ve to line up..

d next day, ak p sndri..jupe Mr. Tedy kat KL Sentral..Sara amik kat KTM Pdang Jawa..(thnks to her..really byk hutang budi ak ngn dia..xterblas kot..bukn kat dia je..family dia pon..hu3..xtau da nk bls camne..hanye Allah swt j mampu bls Sara..erm..hu3)..n bersalah kat kak Tikah sbb last minute plan p ngn dia cancel..hu3..ak xtau nk ckap cm ne ngn dia..serba salah pon ade tp Alhamdulillah dia memahami n walaupon kena marah ckit tp thnks kak Tikah for understanding my childish behaviour..he3..n sorry again for d cancellation..ho3..

pergila ak bersama ngn Mr. Tedy k Shah Alam,..bile jupe dia kat KL Sentral tu,xbudget pon dia bwak adiah tuk konvo ak..seriously, ak xberharap pa pe pon..dia mai konvo ak pon da kire syukur da..dah la ari sblum tu dia leh lg wat lawak yg xdpt dtg sbb mybe cuti dia xlulus..lg la ak sedey..hu2..smpaikn ak p usha member dia tnye tul2 sal cuti dia, ingtkn dia tipu bile dia kata dia dpt cuti n dpt mai..sbb ak xnk berhrap lebih..(serius, sikap ak ialah ak lebih suke expect yg benda yg plg buruk akn berlaku, so then ak leh get ready wit any bad things happen..xde la ak nk frust menonggeng kan..ho3)..but then, ak kena tipu lak ngn member dia..cess, mmg xley sekongkol la ngn ak dak Pqah tu..ho3..tp xpe la..benda da lepas, niat dia pon baik..ak pon bukn la jenis pendam n simpan ati sorang..forgive n forget..he3..

d present are..ehem3..

• my most fav thing..guess??gebuuu..montelll..gemokkkk..a.k.a Teddy Bear..yeaaaay!!!bertambah koleksi bntal peluk ak..huahaha..but then, dis is d most spesel one..keh3..tp once again, ak xtau mampu bertahan bape lama kegebuan, kecomelan, kegemukan teddy bear tu..depends on tuan yg bg kot..klu tuan dia tu xwat ak sakit ati, selamatla teddy bear tersebut..
• unexpected thing, lain dr yg ak budget..xsangka lak Mr. Tedy pon tau taste ak cm ne..ho3..satu set rantai perak skali ngn subang..speechless, ak xbudget pon akn dpt byk present lam 1 msa..hu2..sedih n terharu..dia bg tedy bear tu pon ak dok pk da bape la blnje dia abiskn nih..aish, bersalah ak wase..pastu tmbah ngn rantai lak..hu3..i'll promise, i'll treasure it Mr. Tedy..hu3
• lastly coklat to share with cik Siti Sarah..3jenis coklat..lollipop,toblerone n lupe da 1 ag..bersama ngn key chain hp teddy bear comel..da slmat mkn ngn Cik Sara, n bear tu ak wat sngkut kat phone..he3..

adiah2 awk, sy akn treasure them..=) 

bile smpai kat cna, ak tggal kn en. Tedy ak tu ngn family Sara..pndai2 la dia survive..he3..i know dat i can trust him..keh3..pastu ak n member2 ak pon bersiap2 la..pkai jubah, beratur n bla bla bla..no giliran ak 309, so antra terawal la..overall 1325 xsilap ak la..stat dr kul 2 lebih2 cam tu, abis kul 5 lebih2 cam tu..cuak ah time amik skrol(bukn skrol senarnye tp mcm buku file cm tu..xtau la pe benda namenye) kat pro canselor..tp ak go on gak..jln ngn penuh keyakinan, maniskn muka n senyum n amik n blah..jln ngn penuh tata tertib..keh3..dah la x p time raptai..mmg ikut org depan je..tgk diorg amik cam ne..then, tamat sudeh episod konvo ak..slepas bergmbar2 ngn kwn2..tp yg sedeynye xsume member ak dpt jupe..ramai giler org..da mcm semut da ak tgk..huahaha..pastu masa mghrib baru la bertolak pulang..singgah KL sentral, mkn2 ngn En. Tedy, pastu baru la pulang ke rumah d Sg Buloh..=) 

a huge applause n spesel thanks:-

• to en radzi rahmat sbb sudi mnjemput sy di stesen komuter..follow sy dr blakang ngn motor sbb sy takut bwak motor sorng2 pulang k kolej kediaman..tp xsangka plak dia bwak geng dia skali..berkonvoi la ak 4 buah motor, ngn 8 org dak laki..ho3..my bodyguards..he3..thnks guys..=)
• very special thanks to Mr. Tedy sbb sudi dtg konvokesyen sy, kehadiranmu amat berharga(tp klu title kite di'upgrade' lg berharga..i tggu konv master i plak yer Mr. Tedy tuk tukar title tu..he3)..n sbb bg adiah yg x kupinta, n x kuharapkn..smpaikn sy speechless n never thought dat u r so romantic (must i say dis word??blushingg..hu3)..time ksih byk2 tau awk..sy <3 awk..

kite terharu sgt2 ngn awk..hu3

• to Sarah n family, very big2 thanks n unrepay debt..rs syukur sgt2 kenal mu Sarah..slalu tolong ak..family mu pon sama..hu3..ak da xtau nk bls budi sepmu cam ne..ngn mak mu belikn bunga tuk ak..ngn bg tumpang kete..p amik, p antar k komuter n budi2 sebelom2 nih..hu3..insyaAllah, klu mu susah time ak senang, ak tolong mu stkat mana ak leh tolong..hu3..jasamu akn dikenang smpai bile2 sarah..hu3..

time kasih to sarah n family

• to my family kat kg..sy tau family sy mesti frust sbb xleh mai sbb time master nnti, insyaAllah diorg nk mai..sy phm ade kesulitan xleh mai..n sy tau diorg doakan sy selamat2 sume nye..time kasih buat arwah ma yg lahirkn Adik, besarkn, berikan ksih syg, didik Adik..n tuk We yg susah pyah cri rezeki tuk jaga, sara belajr..sume kejayaan Adik dpt bukn tuk adk sorg je..insyaAllah, adk xkn lupekn jasa sume org yg susah pyah tolong adk selama ni..adk syg korang sume..lov u oll..=)
• lastly, to all yg terlibat scra langsung or tidak..klu da pa pe xpuas ati ngn sy, kite bincang luar blog eh..he3..=)

p/s: ape la nk bg kat en. Tedy time dia konvo eh??i'm thinking n planning..ho3

doa panjang jodoh..

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang……

Ya Allah…
Seandainya telah Engkau catatkan…
Dia milikku, tercipta buatku…
Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku…
Titipkanlah kebahagiaan antara kami…
Kukuhkanlah ukhwah Islamiyah kami…
Agar kemesraan itu abadi…
Ya Allah…
Ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengasihi…
Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini…
Ke tepian yang sejahtera dan abadi…
Istiqamahkanlah kami ya Allah…
Demi meneruskan perjuangan kami dalam medan dakwah yang penuh cabaran ini…
Moga putra-putri kami bisa menjadi muslimin dan muslimat…
Pendokong jamaah, penggerak Islamiyah…
Tetapi ya Allah…
Seandainya telah Engkau takdirkan…
Dia bukan milikku…
Bawalah dia jauh dari pandanganku…
Luputkanlah dia dari ingatanku…
Dan peliharakanlah aku dari kekecewaan…
Jika aku gagal menangkis kekecewaan itu…
kuatkan lah hati ku Ya Allah..
Pelihara dan mantapkankanlah imanku…
Moga kekecewaan itu tidak melaghakn diriku dan menjauhiMu…
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku yang Maha Mengerti…
Berikanlah aku kekuatan…Menolak bayangannya jauh ke dada langit…
Agarku sentiasa tenang…
Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya…
Ya Allah yang tercinta…
Pasrahkan aku dengan takdir-Mu…
Aku redha dengan segala ketentuan dari-Mu…
Inilah ujian buatku…
Sesungguhnya apa yang telah Engkau takdirkan…
Adalah yang terbaik untukku…
Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui…
Segala yang terbaik buat hamba-Mu ini…
Ya Allah…
Cukuplah Engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaanku…
Di dunia dan akhirat…
Dengarkanlah rintihan dari hamba-Mu yang daif ini…
pandulah ak k jalan yg benar,
jalan yg Engkau redhai, Janganlah Engkau biarkan aku sendirian…
Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat..
Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman…
Agar aku dan dia sama-sama dapat membina kesejahteraan hidup…
Sama-sama dapat terus bergerak di dalam Jamaah Islam…
Andainya sudah ditakdirkan buatku…
Pendokong Jemaah bukan jodohku…
Mantapkanlah tarbiyahku…
Agar aku mampu membawanya bersama melalui liku perjuangan ini…
Sama-sama berusaha mendaulatkan Islam…
Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai…
Dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan soleh dan solehah…
Yang pastinya menjadi aset utama penegak syiar agama-Mu…
Ya Allah …
Redhakanlah perjuangan kami…
Berikanlah kami kebahagiaan di dunia dan akhirat…
Dan peliharakanlah kami dari azab api Neraka…

Ameen…ameen Ya Rabbal a’lameen

feeling and mind??

get lost from my sight,

it was d phrase dat i wanna said long ago,

but it jus cant come out from my mouth,

n i jus can shout it inside my heart,

there's something block it,

there's something dat reasoning it,

whether i'm realizing or not,

day by day, 

hoping dat u soon will disappear inside my heart..

but, 

sometimes, its wrong for me to feel dat way,

without knowing ur true feeling,

making judgement by myself,

jus thinking of myself,

jus wanna make myself secure,

it doesn't feel right..

and also,

it sounds really easy to make u dissapear,

but i know dat its impossible,

hoping dat i soon will get anemia,

anemia dat only deleting d existence of u in my life,

its something dat only will appear in fantasy,

jus stop dreaming..

i know it,

i know dat its only my feeling,

i jus can stop thinking about it,

its not something dat i cant control,

jus sometimes d feeling out of control,

but i know dat i'll manage dat,

its only my mind,

if i can control my mind, 

everything is possible for me..